Recently my mother passed away. It’s taken my a while to decide what I wanted to say about her, but I think I’m ready to put my thoughts down.
Originally, this post was titled “Thoughts About My Mother” but the more I thought about it, that didn’t feel right. I couldn’t figure out why, but then it hit me. Mother is a term that is technical, a female parent. But she was more then just a female parent. She was the very definition of a mom. Someone who was more than a biological mother, but who made you feel important no matter what you did or who you were.
I really decided to write something because I was reading my mom’s obituary and thought that it didn’t really tell too much about her life. I started thinking, and thought I don’t know a whole lot about her either. But here is what I do know.
From a factual standpoint, she was born during a blackout in November and lived her whole life in Baltimore and the surrounding area. She loved animals and even had pet possums. She worked for the Army for years before going on to work at a baseball card store on my urging, and then working at Harford Mall.
But that doesn’t give a complete picture of her. She was what would probably be considered a bit of a goofball, always coming in to wake me up in the mornings, singing a silly song. She would always say the same thing when getting home after a trip, “Home again, home again, jiggity jigg.” Even as I got older, she still hid my Easter basket.
One year for Christmas, I woke up and when I went to look under the tree, there was just one box in my pile. I opened it and it was just a t-shirt that said “I Was Good All Year, and All I Got Was This Crummy Shirt.” Of course, there were more gifts, but that was the kind of goofball stuff she did.
She also was very frugal. She never told me, but I would imagine when she was growing up, money was tight for her family. I never saw her spend anything on herself, but she always made sure both me and my brother were taken care of. If either one of us were ever in a tight spot, she would be the first to offer help.
Above all she was the most loving person I’ve ever known. I remember her telling me several times during my teenage years, “I love you because I have to, but I don’t like you.” I get the I don’t like you part, there were times where I was just an unlikeable person. But the I love you because I have to, I used to think that meant because I was her son and she was morally obligated to. But it was only recently that it occurred to me this was not the case. She had to because she didn’t know any other way. Not just me, but anybody. She never judged people for what they might have done, she just accepted them for who they were. Friends, family, or strangers, she was the most accepting person I ever knew.
As I was looking through some pictures the other night, I found one from the night Adam was born. There is a picture of her, my dad, Evan and I and she is holding Adam. Everyone is looking at the camera but her. She is just totally focused on Adam and even though you can’t see her face too well, you can just feel the love she has for him, even at a few hours old. The other day, right after I was told about my mom, I was texting with my cousin who told me she was sorry about what happened. I told her that as awful as I felt, I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself. I had 34 great years with my mother. I was sorry for my kids who didn’t get much time at all with her. I’d say they wouldn’t get to experience the love she had for them, but I’m sure in the short time she got with them, they got more than a lot of people experience in a lifetime.
I’ll stop now, though I could probably go on for quite a while. It’s been two weeks since she passed and four months since she was in the hospital, and even now, I still find myself reaching for the phone to call her just to talk. It’s going to be a while before that feeling passes, I’m sure. I miss my mom and can’t wait to see her again.
